twilight

i drove a frac pump across this evening here in ohio, 87,000 pounds of steel and rubber. as often happens at twilight, i felt the connection with god that the more busy day tends to obscure. the red and turquoise light against the darkening sky and the cool wind through the open window of the tractor stimulated my senses and again made me conscious of the guide that i try to follow, as i observed his work in other spheres that did not concern me.

carlos casteneda once commented upon a yaqui indian belief about the twilight, which he called the crack between the worlds. where the terminator sweeps across the earth, the forces of day and night are equally strong, and equally weak. within this brief period the powers of the yaqui sorcerors are at their dailypeaks, and the contacts with the spirit world are more frequent and more intense.

i don't pay much attention to yaqui mysticism, but i also don't deny that the shamans were right when they percieved an enhanced sensitivity to the spirit world at twilight. for myself, twilight is a time of clarity, and of communion. i feel the immanence of god most clearly in the twilight creation, when i have a chance to reflect on the immensely large canvas upon which i am a tiny mote among billions of others. i see the wind move among the trees, the clouds shift and coalesce into other forms as the warmth of the sunlight leaves them in the cooling sky, and i feel the hand of god working within the world he created, a thing of richening smells and small sounds in the underbrush.

 

my relationship with god is not one of study, of earnestly looking through old books or re-reading the discoveries of other people with whom he has had conversations pertinent to their conditions. i don't discount those sources, and i frequently seek them out for insight into aspects of my relationship which i do not understand, which are many. but in the end, my god is a living thing, a personality with a presence that is more important than a history.

and in fact, i believe that the history is less important than the presence, very much so. the history of the incarnation, the resurrection, and the redemption is one which can be read in mostly the same form in a variety of documents. the importance of what took place pre-anno domine and after is not to be discounted. but while its value remains the same, it is eclipsed by our roles in actualizing the relationship that is demanded in the dispensation of grace,  the obedience and faithfulness required by a god who will be obeyed, now, here, rather than merely read about and quoted.

as night finally fell, i parked the rig, dropped the pump, and bobtailed back to the yard to pick up another in the cooling darkness. i don't pretend to understand god's plans for me or for anyone else, but i am content to follow where he leads, and to perform the tasks he assigns me.